My experience transitioning from one child to - Two under 2

We didn’t plan to becoming parents two children under two years of age.

Well, technically we did. We were trying, however it took over a year to fall pregnant with our first child, as soon as we felt ready to start trying again we did.

And guess what? It took 2 months!

I feel like I was never 100% ready to find out I was pregnant let alone when I realised I’d have a new born and a 19 month old. Like what were we thinking?

One thing that most people don’t talk about is the period of grieving you go through as you spend those final months, weeks, days and hours with your first born. Those last moments of just you and them. So little, they have no comprehension that their lives are about to change irrevocably. This was an incredibly special time for me to just soak up those little moments where I could be 100% present with my little girl knowing that soon I just wouldn’t have  as much time for her as I did right now.

I remember vividly the night my waters broke with my second child. It was around 7pm and I was reading bedtime books to our little girl when I felt something leaking in my pants. Thinking it was just pregnancy related, maybe my bladder had given way a little getting up and down off the floor, I went to the bathroom to freshen up and that when I realised that the leaking was not stoping. Suddenly it all clicked and I realised that my waters had broken. With my first pregnancy my waters broken as a sudden gush so I was really unprepared for what I was experiencing.

Taking our baby girl to bed that night I cried as I said goodnight to her. She had no idea that she would go to sleep an only child that night and wake up as a big sister. I wouldn’t see her for a few days (the first time this has happened in her entire little life). Even now I get emotional thinking about this. I won’t go in to the details of my labour here but it was relatively quick (baby boy delivered 12 hours form waters breaking) and reasonably uneventful or “textbook” if you ask my OB. We didn’t know we were having a boy. We decided not to find out the gender this time around and BOY were we surprised.

When our babies met for the first time it was in the hospital. My daughter was very confused and just so happy to see me. But there was almost a look of betrayal coming from her tiny face as I could see her trying to understand why there was another child in the room. Sure we had spoken to her about the baby in mummy’s tummy but I think at that age there is no real comprehension of what that will actually look like in real life.

Once we returned home, life was all about settling in to our new normal. Which was hard. We had a new baby who was a screamer, very unsettled. And a toddler that was fighting for attention and playing up to get it. It really took some adjustment. We were fortunate enough that my partner was able to take a full 4 weeks off from work, but I remember just feeling so anxious about him returning and was dreading it.

How was I going to manage with two children on my own? How was I going to breastfeed and run after a toddler at the same time? How was I going to manage, meal times, showering, bed times, getting out of the house… the list goes on.

My toddler’s boundary testing predominantly consisted of behaviours that would be designed to grab our attention. deliberately pulling everything out of drawers, meltdowns and even hitting the baby. And whilst some of this behaviour is just part and parcel of having an 18 month old, it was very clear that so much of the behaviour was deliberate attention seeking. She wanted us to focus on her more again.

Something that I found the hardest about transitioning from one to two (especially when both are so young), and that nobody ever really speaks about or prepares you for is having to essentially triage the needs of your children. You cannot physically tend to the needs of both children at the same time it is literally impossible. When both of your children are screaming who do you tend to first? Which child needs you the most? I found this incredibly overwhelming, heartbreaking and stressful in the beginning.

 When my partner did finally return to work it wasn’t a regular work week, but he fell straight back on to his call week roster which is a 24 hour roster (up to 15 working hours a day). Needless to say my first day at home alone with the kids, involved tears, begging him to come home and an urgent call (by him) to his mother to come ‘rescue’ me. I’m not one to ask for help from others so I was less than pleased that he had done this, but also extremely grateful for the support.

If there’s one piece of unsolicited advice I can offer anyone who maybe preparing for a similar situation, it is to LEAN ON YOUR VILLAGE. Ask for help! It doesn’t make you a bad parent. It actually means that you can be a better, less stressed parent to your children.

I’m very happy to report though as time passed, the days did get easier in a lot of ways as my first born got to know her little brother. But life was (and still is) extremely busy. At that point I had two children in nappies, breastfeeding one, multiple nap schedules and I had to find time to somehow feed and shower myself. Oh and eat of course. I used to forget that one all the time.

The days just flew by and I guess that old saying ‘The nights are long but the years are short’ had never rung truer. Being up all night with a newborn again and the busyness of the daytime, meant that time had never moved faster and slower all at once.

That a first week turns in to four and all of a sudden your newborn in 1 month old. Then 3 month. And now they’re infant not a newborn. And you’re no longer classified ‘postpartum’ (Don’t even get me started on that).

With each month that did pass I was able to conquer a new mountain. Figuring out how to get our giant double pram in and out of the car. Going to the supermarket with both children, the Chemist, the park, cafes, shopping centres.

Scheduling appointments around everyones naps.

Now we’re 2 years and 3 months in and life is much much easier. There are certainly a lot of benefits to having your children so close together. They become good friends (who fight a bucketload). The nappy situation is over and done with pretty early in to your parenting life (1 down and one almost on the way out), your children learn social skills early on such as negotiation, sharing, conflict resolution, empathy. But most importantly they are the best of little friends (when they’re not working on their conflict resolution of course). And that’s honestly one of the most beautiful things to watch as a parent.